Drinking With The Wolverine

I went to take a walk in the deep dark forest to visit my friend, the wolverine...at least I think he’s my friend...they say wolverines don’t have friends but he hasn’t tried to claw my eyes out so I guess I’m ok in his book...we’d been friends for quite awhile, ever since I went out drinking and found myself wandering in the woods and ran across him giving me an evil stare...so I offered him some cinnamon schnapps which he gladly accepted and we’ve been cool ever since...actually, we got a lot in common...we’re both solitary individuals trying to stay below the radar, and we do a lot of scavenging... he scavenges for food and I, well sometimes I do that too when I visit my friends houses and doing some dumpster diving for something that might bring a few bucks...we talked about the usual stuff like the weather and sports...he asked me how the Michigan Wolverines were doing and I said they lost their first game this year to Notre Dame 24-17...he shook his head and said “That figures. I shouldn’t let ‘em use my name, they haven’t been good in years” he said disgustedly as if he had a choice in the matter...they didn’t have newspaper delivery out this far and his wifi was really sketchy so he was pretty much out of touch...there was a chill in the air, winter would be coming soon and he’d been working hard and he had a stockpile of food that he’d caught...he asked me if I wanted some carrion and I would have jumped at the chance, but unfortunately I had eaten lunch already...however, he did have a bottle of Jack Daniels that he offered and of course I didn’t want to insult him by turning him down again...so he poured a couple of glasses and we reclined in his warm den and shot the breeze...neither one of us cares for humans...he bitched about getting pushed farther and farther out as the filthy humans (as he called them) were encroaching on his territory with yet another housing project or strip mall...he asked me if I knew a good lawyer and I said no but I knew a couple of good bartenders...we both let out a hearty laugh and watched the rain start to fall...we weren’t expecting that…he poured some more drinks and he told me about this new girlfriend he had and how hot she was and as usual he was probably exaggerating as you know most wolverines do...we had another drink or two and the rain kept falling like a bad stock...it was starting to get really muddy out now and I wondered about getting back home...I noticed his mood was starting to change...he was a mean drunk as they say, and he’d been in more than his share of bar fights...he was growing ferocious as he railed on and on about global warming...he hated big business and he hated politicians more...he was going on and on about Washington and conspiracy theories and I didn’t dare disagree with him...I figured it was time to get back to town before he started blaming me for it and tried to take it out on me...he offered me a ride, but I don’t think he was seeing too straight by this time and he already had a couple of DUI’s to his credit or some such thing...so rain be damned, I told him I’d be back next month or so and I started heading out...he asked me if I was sure I didn’t want to take some carrion with me for the road...I didn’t want to appear ungrateful, so I took some and thanked him and started back through the forest towards town...later on when I got to my place, I had dinner.